I have learned to do this very well. The old saying to "Never Judge a Book By It's Cover" is so very true.
Last week a friend invited us to go school shopping with her and her girls. They are friends of Jessi's and we all went school shopping the summer of 2009. Of course we had all intentions of going again in 2010 but everyone knows that that was not possible. Initially when I was asked I thought about it and was considering it. Well, the more I thought about it the more I talked myself right out of it. Somethings are very painful. It is just hard to do things that Jessi should be doing with us and I know how much she loved to shop for clothes. I however was in a rational state (which by the way does not happen very often) and re-thought the whole shopping thing. Another friend of ours has a 11 y.o. girl and I just felt that I would love to take her to do some school shopping. She comes from a very large family and times are tuff these days and I just felt led to give her some shopping time.
We all met up Tuesday and did the usual mall and also some other stores. It turned out to be a fairly decent day. I won't say that I did not think of Jessi because I did. The entire day. It's kinda hard not to. But I am proud of myself for doing something that is very hard to do. It was a major step for me.
During our time at the mall and a few other stores around the mall a few random people caught my attention.
There was the young woman in a wheel chair with what I assume was her son....The woman pushing a stroller with 2 chinese babies and another toddler chinese little girl walking with her (Mom was not chinese)......Another woman in a wheel chair at Target watching her son play video games.....
I wondered what was their story and how they got to the place they where at?
Then I looked at myself......It was me, Bud, Steven and Sandra......I wondered how many people saw us and thought wow look at that lucky family...they got one of each, a boy and a girl....Maybe know one thought that but I know I have thought those things way before our life made a drastic change over a year ago. The funny thing is, of all the people we came into contact with or passed by that day know one knew that someone was missing from the picture or what we have been through over the last year....no one knew that Sandra isn't mine she was just with us for the day to go shopping.....That Steven is not mine yet, he is living with us during this trial period to see if we can adopt him...
To the world we look like the perfect family......I just wonder how many people I pass daily that appear to have it all but it not to be so.
I look at people and the world differently than I ever imagined I would.
I joined a group on Facebook for Moms like me....I was saddened to see that there are alot of "Me's" out there.....I don't know alot of people that have been through this AWFUL process so finding these Moms has been good. But however many times it's too depressing to learn so many parents suffer the unthinkable.
Long and short of it all.......Don't be so quick to think negatively or look down on someone cause they many not fit how you think people shuld look or because they seem mad, sad or just plain miserable looking....There is usually alot past the cover of what you physically see..
And about Steven......2 years ago this August we were going thru the process of being approved for adoption....Just shortly before Jessi was diagnosed we where aproved and licensed to adopt....she so much wanted a brother or sister...of course it was out of the question for quite sometime...but Bud and I had the choice to move to Florida and live in the Villages with a bunch of retired people....or to add a little purpose to our life...to be needed....Steven will never replace Jessi...He gives us a reason to get up everyday......to help us get thru life.
So Next time your out......please look past the cover.......