Sunday, January 27, 2013

My Friend Jen.....

We all have special friends in our lives. Each one of those friendships is unique in it's own way. Unique in the way it started and the way it grew or didn't and to the meaningfullness of that relationship. When we are little kids friends are just that..friends. When we are young children are friendships are pretty much all about the fun. What a great time. In our teen and high school years friendships are formed but with more expectations. As we grow into adulthood we form many friendships through work and college for some. Speaking for myself I made some valuable friendships through my work experiences. Much better than when I was younger and in school. As a matter of fact the best friends I had in school I have'nt talked to since I have been out of school and I won't even mention how long that has been...Let's just say it's been awhile. And then there will be people you meet through a series of unfortunate events or tragedies. When worlds collide. Those people will become dear friends and very special to you. They help you pick up the pieces. They understand you. I met one of those friends on June 28, 2010 at CHOA (Childrens Healthcare of Atlanta) at Egleston on the worst floor ever. The 3rd floor AKA The Cancer Floor. So let me tell you about Jen...... First of all and most importantly she IS Lily's Mommmy. She is one of very few people that I know that her soul just flows out of her. She has the Most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen on any person. She has a big heart. She is strong. She is very funny. She is very real. And she has a broken heart. You see I met Jen and Lily and Lily's nana on June 28, 2010. Bud, myself and Jessi were in Room 3250 on the dreaded 3rd floor at CHOA waiting in our room for Jessi to be taken down to get her central line put in. It was a Monday. Lily was admitted that day for chemo. They were admitted to the room right across the hall from us. We just made eye contact that day and we both know what was going through each others minds. Me-"Oh Gosh...there are more kids going through this" Jen-"Not another family" Funny how certain things are etched in your brain but somedays you dont even know what day or month it is much less your name. When Jessi came back up after surgery she had to be put in another wing because of the compromised immune system from chemo treatment she had to be in a controlled air hall. Less chance for contracting anything to make her sicker. So here we r now in room 3238. Lily had been moved to the room across the hall. Room 3241. Its now been just a few days and Lily is going home. Jen came over to introduce herself and Lily and Nana...Lily was captivated by all the sticky notes that Jessi had plastered over every part of her bed and room. All prayers and scripture. Lily gave Jessi a bracelet. A true friendship was formed that very second between a 9 year old and 13 year old. That friendship continues today.....just not here on earth. Anytime Lily and Jessi's treatment would overlap we would always of course see each other. Sometimes for days or a few weeks. I remember one day Jen said let's go get some coffee and go for a walk. That we did. We went to I think Barnes and Noble at Emory it was just walking distance from the hospital. So here we are a few minutes out and we should have been at the magazine stand reading People and escaping from reality for just a little while. But no, we are in the health section trying to find cures for our kids. I wont' ever forget that time and how comforting it was to spend time with someone who really understood you. I have to add that I read in one cancer book that a certain type of Chinese tea could help cure Leukemia.....So of course I dumped that on Jessi when we got back and she did her famous eye roll and was like "Im not drinking any tea". It was such a funny moment...you had to be there! Another time when Lily and Jessi where in for treatment I walked down to Lily's room with Jessi and Jen came to the door and we just talked in the doorway. Kids are not allowed in other kids rooms while they are admitted. Whatever!!.......I remember part of this particular conversation cause Jessi was absolutely tickled over it. We were discussing just how much are life had changed and all and got on the topic of exercise. I remember Jen saying "I had ABS" I so remember that. What tickled Jessi so much is that her Dad always said "I got abs". It was just a funny moment. One I wont forget cause it made Jessi laugh and that was always so good to hear. (I miss that laugh too by the way) Because of Lily's big heart Jessi became a recipient of a wish from Kingdom Kids via Lily's Run. Jessi was able to make it the run that October in 2010 but we werent able to stay long and wound up at the hospital because she was sick. Because of Lily so many children stricken with this awful disease have been able to have a wish granted and she has helped children have a "Happily Better After" Jen told me one time that "we were members of the worst club ever" she was right. I didnt want to believe it. But, she was right. After Jessi's service and all Jen would randomly text me to see how I was. I so appreciated it but at the same time was torn because I was her nightmare. I didnt want to be a hindrance in her hope for Lily's recovery. It's just an unspoken thing really when your in this club that if you still have your child you don't want any reminders of examples of how it could be. You only want to hear the good. Jen's big kind heart invited us to stay the night with them around my birthday. She even went through the trouble of finding my favorite food (italian) and making me lasagne and having a cake. Sweet Lily had a necklace she showed me and had put a picture of Jessi and Ava in the locket. Lily also made us a welcome sign at the door and a happy birthday sign for our room. They just opened their home to us. So grateful for that. Especially at such a difficult time. Lily had fought so hard against this beast. Jen would always post updates on Lily's Caring Bridge. Whenever I would read Jens posts I would feel like I was talking right to her. She was always positive and had such a we can do this attitude. It was a sure thing, Lily was going to beat this. Period. I believed that. Then along comes December 15 2012......... And now my friend Jen is having to learn to live like me without her child.... You would think that I would have the right words and great advice for her since I have experienced this. But the truth is I don't. I feel powerless. I felt powerless when I first heard the news. I feel powerless today. Some will understand this and some won't. In the grand scheme of things that really doesn't matter. This is "The Worst Club Ever". I'm so thankful to have met Jen, Joey, Lily and Audrey. I have often said that It would be OK if I had not ever met any of the people I have met through my horrible journey. It is really hard to say that about Jen. I know if given the choice I would do it of course to have my kid back and be living a relatively normal life again. I just wish that I would have met her under different circustances. Our connection is through our children and through cancer. That is the foundation and how our friendship was put into play. We both wish it wasn't so. If you asked me to describe Jen in only one word that word would be......Love. When I think of Jen I think of 1 Corinthians 13:1-13. This chapter ends with the word charity which is Love. Here it is: 1 THough I speak with the toungues of men and of angels, and have not CHARITY, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy and understand all mysteries and all knowledge and though I have all faith so that I could remove mountains and have not CHARITY I am nothing 3 And though I besotw all my goods to feed the poor and though I give my body to be burned and have not CHARITY it profiteth me nothing. 4 CHARITY suffereth long and is kind,CHARITY envieth not, CHARITY vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up. 5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; 6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth. 7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, endureth all things. 8 CHARITY never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be toungues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. 9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is part shall be done away. 11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 BUT NOW WE SEE THROUGH A GLASS, DARKLY; BUT THEN FACE TO FACE: NOW I KNOW IN PART; BUT THEN SHALL I KNOW EVEN AS I AM KNOWN. 13 And now abideth faith, hope, CHARITY, these three; but the greatest of these is CHARITY. Much thanks to the Anderson family and My Friend Jen for sharing the Love Of Lily with the world. Until then.............