Well friends for all of you that follow my blog I have not deserted this site and will continue to post I just took a little sabatical for awhile. I truly have been wanting to post but the entries would have been more on the sadder side and I don't always like to journal when my mood mode is in the sad status.
I have ALOT to say but will break it up in separate entries because all the topics would take a while and I like to keep the topics seperate and I also want to hold your attention and not ramble from one story to another.
The title of this entry kinda explains itself. Everything good is summed up in it.
I'm really thankful for some of Jessi's closest friends and also that she had shared with us who they where. Some of them I know better than others and that is only because of time spent with each of them. However, I'm learning more about them each day and also being privileged enough for them to share some things about Jessi that parents don't always see. Another side of your child from a friends perspective is actually kinda cool as they experienced a different side of Jessi then I did as her mom.
I love all of Jessi's friends but they all represent a little something different, therefore each one of them has a significant part in my healing process. They each hold a very unique spot in my heart.
Sleepovers are just that. Something everyone of us has done as a child and sometimes even as a grown up. Well, almost every weekend for over the last 2 years Jessi would either spend the night with Hannah or Hannah would spend the night with Jessi. They where pretty much together every weekend. Believe it or not, Jessi didn't spend the night at other peoples houses. I think there was only one time since we moved to Georgia that I allowed her to go to a friends house. I always wanted to protect her, so in order to spend the night at someones house I had to really know the family or it wasnt gonna happen. Hannah just happens to be one of those families that Jess could stay with anytime. I know the family. I knew she was safe with Hannah. The real reason I mentioned sleepover was because Jess's friend Hannah has stayed over our house several times since Jessi has been gone. I think that is pretty huge for a 15 year old. Imagine it.....just for one minute.....goin to your best friends house, without your best friend there. I honestly don't know if I could do it. Especially at 15. Hannah seems to handle it pretty well. It's actually a pretty mellow nite. We mostly just watch a movie and spend time together. Let me just tell you, it is hard to hold back the tears. I not only have grief for myself but I also have alot for Hannah. It's hard to find a good friend. That goes for when your an adult also. Knowing that she could be doing alot of other things she comes and spends time with us. Just like the many many trips she made to the hospital and all the sleepovers there. I'm so grateful for this, but I also know not to expect or be dissappointed if Hannah chooses not to come when I invite her. My heart breaks for what she has lost. I just hope in some way that we help her as much as her visits help us.
This past Monday we went to Jessi's school and brought lunch to 3 of her friends. Kennetha, Olivia and Baria. All different. I took the recommendation on one of my FB posts one day. I had made the comment that I should be packing Jessi's lunch and taking her to school and a comment was made that I should go to the school and have lunch with some of Jess's friends. I took the advice and it has turned out to be a real blessing. Jessi had a good mix of friends. Kennetha, well she is pretty quite but always has a smile on her face, Olivia a little more talkative with the sweetest personality and Baria who talks alot (which I love!) and always always makes me laugh! I marvel at the vast difference in the personalities of Jess's closest friends. I know that it can be hard on them too spending time with us because we are a reminder of what was for them and lunch can be hard because Jessi is the topic of most discussions at lunch. Imagine that......I also have had to catch myself many times during lunch not to break down in tears. It is hard to go to that school. I just look around and try to grasp the fact and reality she is not ever gone walk the halls of that school again. And it's hard to see young people hurt and there is nothing you can do to change things. At least in this instance.......
Many people have mentioned to me that I should look into going to professional counseling..........I have different thoughts about that......I came to the conclusion that I would consider it maybe if the Counselor had lost a child or possible lost thier only child. I certainly dont intend to get advice from someone on how I should feel or how long I should grieve that hasnt worn the shoes I now wear. It is an experience that unfortunately has to be lived before it can be understood. I know that because I am living it.
The best counseling has come from unexpected people. Who unbeknownst to them has helped me make it through one more day.
So as far as Priceless Therapy......spending time with Jessi's friends is just that. It is a way to remember her and share happy times, be able to laugh about silly stuff she did, a time to cry too. I'm just thankful that Jessi's friends think enuff of us to even want to share some time with us.
If they only knew really the depth of what it means to me and Jess's dad.
The Sleepovers, Lunches and Jessi's Friends have been the best Therapy.
Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2